I plan to.... Naaa !!!

“If you don’t know where you want to go, every road will take you there”

So, what’s wrong with that? As I skim through the list of ’64 best interview questions’, I see that one omnipresent line… “Where do you see yourself ten years from now?” And that makes me wish… wish that I had the ability to project myself into the future. But Alas! I am no Nostradamus. And the time machine I almost built while in school (there were always those dormant talents!), is playing victim to the cancer of rust somewhere in the backyard of science fiction. So, here I am, stressing whatever grey cells remain in my head, trying to deduce where I’ll be from where I am.

Logic tells me I need a plan to answer this one. But, history deters me. I’ve always been good at planning… there’s always been a plan for everything – be it the course of my academics or a simple evening with friends. It’s the implementation where things start to go awry. I planned for three years to get into IIT. Never happened. I planned to work as a mechanical engineer. Never happened. I planned to do my MBA from a famous B-school in Hyderabad. I got an admit, but still… never happened. What did happen were things I never imagined or wanted in the first place. For example, the college I did my engineering from, was low down in my list of priorities when I sat home with my IIT dreams for one year. But this is where I met friends who today are some of the most important people in my life. Would I trade my days in college for say an IIT experience? Never.

I almost never got what I planned. And I’ve done well. Maybe better than if the plans had worked out. So, why plan? Why submit yourself to the drudgery of working day-in and day-out to achieve what you think is your destiny, but eventually turns out to be a figment of your imagination? The answer, I realized, lies in the age old scriptures…

"Karmanye Vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kadachana,
Ma Karma Phala Hetur Bhurmatey Sangostva Akarmani

Meaning: Do your duty and be detached from its outcome,
do not be driven by the end product, enjoy the process of getting there.
- SRIMAD BHAGVAD GITA"

The plan is a roadmap. We’re all headed on the road trip called LIFE. As with any road trip, there’ll be crossroads, diversions, bumpy gravel paths, smooth highways…. the works. A diversion might lead one away from a plan, but into a wonderous, beautiful terrain never imagined before. The key is to enjoy it, live the moment and move on. ‘Coz the day you reach the destination, the joy will not be in where you are – it will be in what you saw, where you were and what you learnt in the journey to get there. You might not have seen all that you set out for, but whatever you did see, did you enjoy it and live it the fullest? Or did you keep searching for the lost trail, all the while ignoring what lay in front of you? If the answer is the latter, you’d still be searching when your time is up. If it’s the former, you’d be satisfied wherever you are – and that would be your destination.

And so I plan. I plan my moves, coz that gives me direction. But I try not to expect. I try not to fret if my plan doesn’t work out. There’s always a new plan to take me in a new direction. Ten years hence, wherever I am, some will say it was my destiny. Some will say my hard work (or lack of it!) led me there. I would love to say… I happened to be there because whenever I saw a fork in the road of life, I chose the path that looked more fun and more challenging, and not where the map in my hand led me. The journey was my destiny and every moment of it was my destination.

I've been busy...

Been a long, long time since I wrote anything... anything except the Economics, Finance or other term papers (well, there isn't much I can write there anyways!). What stimulated me was a chance meeting with an old friend yesterday – in the cyber world – that’s the only place where friends meet these days unless they share the same workplace, but I digress…. So, this friend asks me a question that only someone who has not met me in years can ask. He goes… “So, what’s up on the creative side these days? Writing? Painting? Music?”

Hmmm… Is that me he’s talking to? Oh, yes it is! Ages back I used to write stuff… though it was more for ‘Galaxy’, the school magazine. I still have a couple of paintings ordaining the walls of my bedroom at home - testimony to the dream of a Picasso-in-making gone sour. And I still remember the ecstasy when I could play the complete song “Tujhe dekha to yeh” from DDLJ on my guitar (which now lies somewhere with a broken string… hoping someday it will again find its C-majors and D-minors).

So, where did I lose all that? There’s got to be some explanation – it wasn’t as if I lost interest. Oh yes, there it is. I know what happened. “I got busy! I did not have the time!”. Precisely.

Let’s take a moment and get a perspective on this. “I am busy!” Isn’t that our answer to almost everything in life these days? I got busy as soon as I moved out of the walls of my school… and I’ve been busy ever since. I got busy studying to get into engineering college – which anyways, took me three years instead of two. For four years, I was busy sitting in the parking lot or the canteen of my college, waiting for someone to hand me my degree. Then, for two years I was busy drinking coffee and checking emails all day at work. And now I’m at Business school, where… screw it – you’re either supposed to be busy or dead! Heck, I WAS busy!!!

Just a small question keeps pricking me, though. Was it worth it?

I kept myself busy doing things that came by, gave me a moment of happiness and then moved on. I am no longer designing engine components… I am no longer writing software codes… I don’t think I ever again will. And I was busy doing these for six years. But, I do wish I could still paint a sunset. I wish I could play the guitar for my friends. I wish I didn’t have to scratch my brains out looking for the right words while writing this. I wish I had taken a moment to talk to that friend who I’ve now lost forever. I wish I had held on to the hand that reached out to me, but I was too busy to grasp it. I wish… I wish I had not been busy.

Well, I hope to make amends. And that’s why I am writing. Maybe to get rid of the guilt of having lost my interests, my passions, the people and things those were most important to me. Make no mistake… I’m still busy. I’m busy like hell. But I guess I’ll always be. And so, I write. And I hope I’ll stick to it this time… or else, someday when I meet you, I’ll say…. “I used to paint, I used to play the guitar, and yes… I used to write blogs!”